Arguments and Old Lace
by cherryblossomjen
Summary: Zane is paired with Miriam on a mock-wedding project for school. He’d rather be eaten by sharks. When one of the mermaids takes her place, he’s happier than you’d think.


**Teaser**: Zane is paired with Miriam on a mock-wedding project for school. He'd rather be eaten by sharks. When one of the mermaids takes her place, he's happier than you'd think.

**Timeline**: After the Season One episode "Shipwrecked," where Emma saves him from drowning, but before any attraction develops between him and Rikki. It could function as a coda to my story, "Filling in the Blanks," but certainly doesn't have to.

**Challenge**: This was written in response to Sokai's challenge on the forums. I hope she likes it.

Thanks to Oo lovetoday oO for the beta--especially informing me on Aussie phraseology and other awesomeness.

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**Arguments and Old Lace**

"What are you doing, man?"

Zane crouched behind the north staircase, hiding himself from view of the general public. He made an angry_ shushing_ sound to Byron, motioning him closer. "I'm avoiding Miriam."

Byron chuckled. He didn't need more explanation than that.

"Laugh it up," Zane said, narrowing his eyes in a glare. "You'd be hiding too if you were paired up with her for Dr. Price's family planning project. It's some mock wedding-panning scenario."

Byron's face softened in genuine sympathy. "Oh no. I'm sorry, mate."

Zane risked one glance around the corner, checking the hallway. "Miriam's literally gone off her rocker she's taking it so seriously. Would you believe she called me in the middle of my dad's business dinner last night to see if she could send over some color swatches?" Zane shook his head. "I might just shoot myself to escape the torture."

"It must be a girl thing," Byron said, putting a conciliatory hand on Zane's shoulder. "Why don't you just ditch?"

"My dad would kill me. If I get caught wagging one more time he's going to send me to a private school."

The bell rang and people emptied out of the courtyard.

"Well then you better get going," Byron said, taking off. "Class starts in thirty seconds."

Zane trudged along, reluctantly making his way to class. This dumb project should have been pie – write a page, make a graph, etcetera. But no. He gets paired with the Bride of Frankenstein. He didn't tell Byron this (it would've been too humiliating), but she'd kept him up half the night texting her demands. She wanted a platinum band engagement ring with thirty two set pink diamonds. Nine bridesmaids, which meant he had to find nine corresponding groomsmen, pending her approval. Twin flower girls. A reception for six hundred at Palazzo Versace. Bubblegum purple dresses with more frill than a flock of sheep…

He had a headache just thinking about it. He finally drew the line when she asked him to go taste testing for caterers. He tried to explain that this was a _fictional _scenario. He even spelled the word out for her. F-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-L.

She didn't get it.

He told her he wouldn't marry her in real life if she were the last girl on the planet. She just laughed and patted him on the shoulder, saying, "you're so funny sometimes, Zane."

He resorted to cowardice – feigning illness and not coming to school at all. But his father put an end to that. There was no refuge for him.

He entered Family Planning 101 in a decidedly obvious gloom. He collapsed into a chair, utterly depressed.

He'd been sitting there for a few minutes, his head supported by his left hand, when he suddenly realized Miriam wasn't around. Zane sat up straight. The teacher was taking roll. She said Miriam's name. She looked around, then marked off her sheet.

Zane's mouth was open with silent glee. He tried to calm himself. She might walk in any minute, running late or something.

The phone rang and Dr. Price answered it.

Zane kept his eye on the door, nervously watching it. There was a figure outlined against the Plexiglas. He tapped his finger on his leg.

Dr. Price approached his desk. He hadn't notice her get off the phone. "Well, Zane, it looks as though your partner for the family planning assignment is ill. She won't be up to participating."

Someone behind Zane whispered, "I heard she has Glandge. Can't come to school for a month."

Zane couldn't hide his pleasure. He felt himself breaking out into a full fledged grin – teeth and all. "What a shame, Dr. Price. I guess I'll have to just do the work on my own."

Dr. Price smirked knowingly. He wasn't getting off that easily. "Oh don't worry Zane, I've found an alternative for you. It just so happens we have a new transfer to the class. Someone you know maybe?"

Just then the door opened. Zane's eyes zeroed in on the girl– long gold-spun hair, pink kissing-cherry lips. He knew her all right. He frowned.

She made her way through the classroom, nodding at her friends in the back and coming to a stop in front of Dr. Price. The teacher smiled.

"Zane, this is Emma Gilbert. She's transferred out of swimming mid-term and is now a member of our happy family."

Emma smiled awkwardly, adjusting the bag on her arm. "We know each other, Dr. Price."

"Excellent. That should make your work together easier."

"Our work together?" Emma asked, not fully aware of the way things worked in Family Planning.

Dr. Price explained the project rather concisely and then informed her that Zane's partner had become ill. "Fortunately, it's early in the assignment and you can take her place. If you have any questions I'm sure Zane can fill you in." Dr. Price walked away abruptly, noticing a student who was trying to feed a marble to the class goldfish.

Emma sat down in the chair opposite to Zane. They appraised each other, Zane leaning back in his chair, Emma with her arms crossed in front of her.

Zane was the first to break the silence. He figured no matter what happened, she couldn't be worse that Miriam. He shuddered at the thought. He was going to put his foot down early on. "Well, it looks like we're stuck together. We mind as well make the best of it. I figure we write a two page paper about hiring a wedding planner, make up a few details and whatnot, and call it a day. Easiest grade ever."

"That's fine with me," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Your father can foot the bill and that's that. Project done." She reached under her desk for her bag, pulling out her science textbook.

Zane scowled, a series of lines forming along his brow.

Emma looked up, having started to read. "What?"

"I'll admit, I'm a little surprised. You're usually pretty gung-ho about schoolwork. And you never give up control this easily." He eyed her suspiciously. "Is this a trick or something? A little reverse psychology?"

Emma raised an eyebrow. "It's no trick. I just don't see the point to the assignment. It's stupid. Like you said, we'll write a paper stating we've transferred creative control to a wedding planner we trust. We'll Google a real one and attach a business card or something. Easy A."

Zane folded his arms. "You mean to tell me you haven't planned every moment of your wedding day since you were three?" He thought all girls did. His experience with Miriam only reiterated that.

She looked somewhat affronted. "Zane, you've known me since I was three. Does that sound like something I did back then?"

She had a point. Emma had never been like other girls. He had a sudden image of her in pigtails, pushing him out of a tree. He deserved it too. Pulled her hair or something. With her everything was about precision, drive, and a kind of underlying righteousness. Zane raised his eyebrows in acceptance. "Whatever."

"Besides," Emma said, touching her lip with the edge of her pencil. "It's not like I'm ever getting married."

Zane was genuinely shocked now. "What? You're kidding right?"

Emma met his gaze, dead serious. "No. Why would I be kidding?"

Zane stammered. "It's just – erm. Well, there's nothing wrong with you. You're pleasant enough most of the time. And nice to look at. Why would you think you couldn't get married?"

This was horribly awkward. He was starting to wish Miriam hadn't caught bird-flu, or whatever it was. He could handle the nagging torture. Awkwardness, on the other hand, was an altogether different evil. It was rare for a girl to make him uncomfortable. He didn't like the feeling. And from the way Emma was looking at him, he knew she figured he was off his game.

"Of course I could get married if I wanted to," she said, her face making it clear he was the crazy one. "I can do anything I set my mind to. My point is I _don't _want to. Never have."

Again, Zane was surprised. He didn't believe her. "Right. You just say that to cover your rep for when you haven't got someone serious."

"Wow, Zane. You really think women are that shallow?" She puckered her lips to one side, a look he recognized from her as baffled annoyance. She shook her head. "Somehow I'm not surprised."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Madam Curie."

Emma opened her mouth to retort, a flicker of annoyance flashing across her face. Before she could, Dr. Price was again at the front of the classroom demanding everyone's attention.

"We've got a minute before the bell rings. Have a good weekend everyone and remember your media files are due Monday."

Media files? Oh no. Zane had completely forgotten about that aspect of the assignment. Miriam had insisted she handle that on her own. He placed his palm on his forehead.

"What is it?" Emma asked. "What's she talking about?"

He sighed. "We have to stage some kind of media representation of our 'wedding' -- a video, a slideshow, or a cd or something."

"Ugh." She looked as disgusted as he felt. "Will the sappiness never end?"

"Tell me about it. Look, we'll plan something simple over the weekend, all right?"

"Fine."

She looked down for a second, and then up at him again. She grabbed her bag from the floor and walked towards the door, where Cleo and Rikki stood waiting for her. She left with them, but she turned to look at him once more before she left.

He'd been staring into her true-blue eyes for half a class period now and didn't realize until they weren't in front of him anymore that he'd liked it.

Hopefully to be continued...


End file.
